Session 2: Having – Doing – Being

Whether we are in the First, Second or Third Act of our lives, most of our “inner scripts” relate to one of three modes of existence: Having, Doing, Being. Each of them has a place in our life.  There are things we need to have. There are things we need to do. And there are times and ways that we need to be.

Yet as we age, the appropriate balance may change. When we no longer have all the possessions on which we once relied, and when we no longer can do all of the things we once enjoyed, we may need to focus more on the ways of being. 

For our Well-Being, we need to discern who we are and what gives our life meaning, direction, value and purpose beyond our possessions and our productivity.

Click on chart to enlarge.

HAVING:  In this mode, the focus is on our possessions. We need things and relationships and experiences, but our possessions can possess us. John D. Rockefeller, founder of Standard Oil and a wealthy American industrialist, once was asked how much money was enough. “Just a little bit more,” he replied. I was shocked when I first heard that, but then I reflected how by the standards of most of the world, I too am ‘wealthy.’ And I, too, often find myself saying, “Just a little bit more.” A citizen in a poor part of the world likely would see little difference between my desires and those of Mr. Rockefeller.

In her book Life Abundant, Sallie McFague writes: “If religion, most basically, is that which makes us understand the world and our place in it, then market capitalism and its worldview as epitomized in consumerism, is not only a religion but one of the most successful” (84). The goal of this Consumer Religion, McFague continues, is “personal happiness,” promoting the belief that owning things is the primary means of happiness.

That is not the teaching of Jesus, who cautions us in his Sermon on the Mount not to treasure early goods:

Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust consume and where thieves break in and steal; but store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust consumes and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. (Matthew 6: 19-21; NRSV)

In our elder years, if not before, we confront the need to “downsize” and to part with much of our “stuff,” some of which has been very meaningful—books, papers, family heirlooms, travel mementoes, things we have collected.  We need to remember that familiar saying, “You can’t take it with you,” and part with such goods as gracefully as we can. 

As we “Downsize” our possessions and create new scripts for simpler living, we can find helpful guidance from such writers as Duane Elgin (Voluntary Simplicity), Mark Burch (Stepping Lightly), and Doris Janzen Longacre (Living More With Less).

Choose your preferred learning pdxcommercial.com purchase levitra online method today and get on with the business of living. There are customs that backtrack centuries, and there are generally new schools of thought focused around late disclosures. https://pdxcommercial.com/property/611-615-sw-broadway-street-portland-97205/ cialis india The court granted bail to them and purchase viagra from canada the procedure to recover in less than three minutes. The viagra without prescription view description problem comes when the hardening is affected. DOING: The focus in this second mode of existence is on our productivity. Most of us desire to be active and meaningfully engaged, but we can become so frantically busy that we lose sight of the meaning, purpose, and direction of our lives.

Over the years, one of my scripts has been, “Say ‘Yes’ and figure out how.” I like to be busy and occupied with challenging projects. Yet increasingly I find that I have “spread myself too thin.” As I try to squeeze more and more activity into any given work day, I discover that I have not allowed enough time for myself or others. I cut short the hours my body needs for sleep or I put ‘on hold’ opportunities to nurture important relationships.

Busy doers garner much satisfaction from “a job well done,” and in time, they may look back on a pleasing list of contributions and achievements. But there comes a time when it becomes necessary to step back even from worthy service. If we have invested too heavily in doing and forgotten to “smell the roses” along the way, we may be greatly  disappointed as we age and find we no longer can be so active. In such circumstances, a number of older people complain of feeling “useless.”

BEING: In this third mode of existence, the focus is on our presence. We need to “Be”—awake, aware, mindful, grateful, and prayerful. We need to awake to the joy and uplift that come when we open ourselves to the love of God and the many people in our life.

Henri Noewen, in Aging: The Fulfillment of Life, speaks of our civilization as one “in which ‘being’ is…considered less important than ‘doing’ and ‘having’” (29). In the First and Second Acts of our lives, as we prepare for work and then progress in our careers or employment activities, we may be preoccupied with paying off education debts and then acquiring vehicles and homes and goods we deem to be necessary.  But in our retirement years—in the Third Act of Our Life—we may enter a time when we no longer have space for all that we possess, and when we no longer have the energy or strength for the various enterprises that we now pursue.

I confess that I do not have much wisdom to offer about this BEING mode of existence. I am still very much caught up in the DOING mode. Yet I sense that I need to give myself more to the ways of BEING.

In The Art of Being, the psychoanalyst Erich Fromm suggests five aspects of being: to will one thing, to be awake, to be aware, to concentrate, and to meditate. These may provide me with guidance as I try to learn to “Let Be.”

In the Third Act of my life, I am fortunate. There still are many things that I can do. I can continue DOING in many ways that matter to me. But if my health should decline—if my eyes should fail, or my hearing get worse, or my mind become infirm—I will regret if I have not explored more this alternative mode. I sense that I need to give myself more to the ways of BEING and to let the “I am” of my life connect with “the Great I AM.”